3-Session Conflict Resolution series™
Three, 1-hour sessions (online)
There's a proven formula for resolving conflicts and preventing resentments. (Resentments are relationship killers.) Using this 5-step formula, we will work through a real-time resentment or conflict together with your partner and you'll learn how to apply the formula going forward.
session One: we identify the rEAL issue
session two: we work through my 5-step formula
session three: we repair and Reconnect
Did you know there's a five step formula for resolving conflict? ALL people in relationships have experienced conflict at one point or another. If you haven’t, give it time and maybe check for a pulse. Many of my clients come to me, with or without their partners, with the same complaint: “We are stuck! He/she refuses to hear and understand me.”
It takes around 20 mins of conversation to get to the core of what’s really going on. 💯 of the time, it’s a resentment that has been lingering for weeks, months and sometimes even years. News flash: Resentments are relationship killers!
Step One: Shut up and listen. This isn’t meant to be harsh, it’s meant to get your attention. The most effective way to de-escalate an argument is to practice active listening. Don’t worry, you will both have the opportunity to express yourselves. Let the aggrieved partner speak first without interruption. Be thorough; this is your opportunity to be heard.
Step Two: This is what I remember. As the aggrieved partner, recount your interpretation of what happened. Only the facts, as you remember them. No feelings in this step, only facts. Be thorough.
Step Three: This is what I made up. Now you can share your theories and fears around what happened. “When you did X, I assumed X. Based on your past behavior, I figured X.” This is your opportunity to be vulnerable and express yourself fears about what happened.
Step Four: This is what I felt. Share ALL the feelings you have around what happened. “I feel… hurt/angry/unvalued/dismissed/sad/disrespected/scared/abandoned/etc.”
Step Five: This is what would help me feel better. You can’t change what happened but now that it has, what can your partner do to make you feel better and safer? “I need you to do X. I need you to show me X. I need you to tell me X.” It’s important to keep this step simple and realistic.
Repair
Once the aggrieved partner has completed these steps, the receiving partner will acknowledge what was shared.
This doesn’t mean you agree. This is simply an acknowledgement of receiving the information.
Resolve conflict & prevent resentments
3-Session Conflict Resolution series™
$500
Secure your transformative experience today!
Guidelines
to follow when working my 5-step formula:
First, the aggrieved partner has the floor. I often suggest to my clients they record the conversation so nothing is missed. Let them work through all five steps without saying a word.
Stay on topic. Work all the way through the issue at hand. One thing at a time is the best way to find true resolution.
Do not compare your partner’s actions and reactions to your own. You are two completely different people with different coping mechanisms. Allow each other to be who you are. This is the beauty of relationships. Getting defensive exudes weakness. Your partner is allowed to feel how they feel.
Practice active listening. You do not have to agree. You just have to listen and acknowledge that you have heard them. This is typically the hardest part. After you have listened, you will have the opportunity to respond. Replay the recorded conversation. Take time to process it. Then respond.
Finally, be accountable for your sh*t. Do not take responsibility for their feelings. Only for your actions. Make adjustments based on what they have expressed they need from you to feel better. This goes BOTH ways. You will both have opportunities to practice this formula going forward. It works!
Shana Dee
“Shana is an integrative somatic practitioner with nearly two decades of experience in life coaching. Her journey from a challenging childhood on an Indian Reservation to overcoming addiction and becoming a beacon of healing for others is nothing short of inspiring. Shana’s work focuses on helping individuals release the traumas that often linger unnoticed, holding them back from reaching their full potential. With a deep understanding of the mind-body connection, she empowers her clients to discover their true selves and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships-both personally and professionally.” ~ Limitless You Podcast
I will guide you to heal, repair and build an emotionally secure relationship!
It starts with YOU.